I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
