My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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