I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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