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• (917): View more from New York City

  i puked in the mini-firdge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we don't have a mini-fridge?

  (917): View more from New York City

  bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that

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• (954): View more from Florida

  i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

  (415): View more from California

  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.

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• (286): View more from

  I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead

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• (585): View more from New York

  PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?

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