Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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