Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so let's talk penis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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