you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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