i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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