I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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