were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize