smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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