if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
