Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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