Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
