It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
