Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
