My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
