there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
