She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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