She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
