Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
