Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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