I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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