No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
