i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
