You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
