Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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