if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
