My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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