his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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