I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
