The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
