you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize