If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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