$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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