Whatcha textin bout Willis?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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