what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
