I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
