if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
