just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im six kinds of drunk right now
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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