I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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