Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just high enough for therapy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
