hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
