She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she peed on how many people?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
