you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize