eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
