just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
