but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm just crazy horny about you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
