I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
