U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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