It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
