actually, I'm a sock model
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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