the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
