Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
