david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
