sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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