Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
