I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
