What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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