this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
