well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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