I will die if light touches me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
