wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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