Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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