you have to choose: penises or morals?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
