I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
