i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
